(Brain Dead Need Not Apply)

8/17/12-Yes, I did see that, next to a job posting!  I remember it, because I recall thinking that comment was far more interesting than the job sign was written for.  I recently started attending Brain Tumor Support Group Meetings at UCDMed Center, partly because Brain Tumor patients and doctors think that brain cancer is very different from other kinds of cancer. Mostly I go for the speakers (so far, forward thinking neurosurgeons) and topics that specifically apply to Brain Tumor patients.  So it's two hours well spent.  I have noted that I seem to be one of the most impaired people there, and yet I might be alone in that my tumor is completely gone.  It seems my other com-padres either have tumors that are visible but inactive,  active but growing at varying rates, or have just been recently diagnosed.  Not only did I have a tumor-type normally found in kids, but I have no trace of it left.  So again, I just don't quite fit in here, either.  Maybe that's a good thing?  I dunno.  The people that knew me "BS", (before surgery), always politely ask, "How did this happen?"  or "Where did the Tumor come from?", and since I can't speak, wonderful husband gives a short, heartbreaking, explanation.  I just want to say, "It doesn't matter where it's from, nobody knows, The Good Fairy, The Good Wife, A Past Life, A Past Parent, Cell Phone, Cereal - none of it makes any sense, they just don't know."  And really I guess it's important as part of my personal history, but knowing where the tumor came from does not tell me how to live today.  Even if my doctor could tell me where tumors come from, who cares, anyway?  Not me.  (1 Bataan death march / 50 min bike Level 2)