08/08/2012

 First a few lines about me. My name is Jan. I was diagnosed with an astrocytoma (malignant brain tumor) in the the fourth ventricle area of my brain. It was removed successfully in January 2011. Subsequent courses of radiation and chemotherapy were also successful. So successful that the last few MRI’s show no sign of tumor. I was misinformed or misunderstood that if I took my meds and rested, I would get better in a year. I didn’t. I still have headaches. I can’t write or speak, my hand shakes, and I have persistent double vision.

The one symptom that bothers me the most and has me stuck in this freakin’ wheelchair is the constant dizziness and total imbalance. I will try, take, undergo almost anything to relieve this. If anyone can swear by or vouch for anything, I’d love to hear about it.

Doing the most basic tasks reaches epic proportions of effort and planning. In spite of this (or because of it) I am hopeful and have been pretty positive, for the most part. The glass is full again, and every morning I’m excited to get up and see what's going on. I stopped taking any narcotics or benzodiazepines last fall. They weren’t working for me anyhow and they had some rough side effects. I decided a while back, that I needed to be as sharp as I could be to navigate the many obstacles that I encounter daily. Because, let’s be brutal and really blunt, this feels as if I’m being assaulted every day. I have been working out/rehabbing daily since February. At long last, it occurred to me that I am getting and feeling better. As I improve, I am also feeling angry. (believe me, it’s a good thing) So what better time to share-the-love? If anyone could benefit or chuckle from my daily foibles, my day will be complete! (OK, that was more than a few lines, I realize.)

8/8/12-It’s my birthday I won’t say which one, but I WILL say my days are neither nifty nor fabulous and 2011 sucked! They can talk forever about 2012 being the Mayan “end of days” or whatever, and I really hope it’s not, but 2011 started out with a previously healthy woman discovering she had a giant, malignant, brain tumor! The year kind of went downhill from there... I had the tumor removed, broke both my hands and a couple of ribs falling, lost my voice someplace, and worst of all I’m super dizzy and have no balance (that contributes to the falling part). I also am really clumsy and have a headache all the time. On the plus side, I have NO tumor anymore, I’m done with radiation and chemo, and best of all, I have a wonderful husband who stuck with me through this particular stretch of hell. And, no I did NOT see it coming. My hair is also making a full recovery. My 11 year old son doesn’t appear to be too traumatized, but he hides his stress really well. And, no, 11 year old and stress should never appear in the same sentence.