Scary Bears? It Must Be Valentines' Day!

"Vampire Teddy" from Muse video for their song, "Uprising"
Notice the Reptilian Eyes, not usually seen in a Teddy Bear, fangs either

Hello Fellow Travelers!

Now that's a frightening teddy bear!  Later in the same video all the giant, fanged, "teddy's" somehow end up burning in a teddy bonfire while  the tiny band makes their escape in a tiny truck.  Epic!  Last St. Valentine's Day, I warned against a purchase of the much-advertised, highly objectionable, "Hunk O' Burnin' Love" bear for the low-low price of $99 bucks from the Vermont Teddy Bear Co..

At the risk of repeating myself, allow me to repeat myself:  Do not, I repeat, don't, give this huge, uncute, "Lunk of Flaming Poo" to anyone you like let alone someone you supposedly love!

Despite my heartfelt warnings, someone is buying these giant pieces of crap!  This year they're offering them in white!

The  new VD commercial depicts a dude lugging this behemoth to his TV ladylove like a drunken stranger he picked up someplace.

Nobody wants this bear!  And nobody really doesn't want this stupid thing as a gift of love! As Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) said to her editor (Candace Bergen) at Vogue, in "Sex & The City", "I know shoes!"

Well, I may not know much about love or footwear (OK, I know something about shoes, what female does not?) but I do know teddys!

I'd have to say that "Hunk of Burning Crap" doesn't resemble any bear I've ever seen!

Many years ago I collected a series of one kind of mohair, hard-body bears.  I bought them from a single, privately owned teddy bear shop and most still have their original packaging and tags..

I had tiny bears, mid size bears and very large ones.  Some had growlers.  All were German.  (It always gets back to those Germans, doesn't it?)

Those bears were cute, expensive (I paid for them over time) and have only increased in value.

I stopped collecting bears a long time ago and I've since given my Steiffs away, but I've read a lot of teddy bear books and looked at tons of teddys!

The Vermont Teddy Bear Company human-sized "Flaming Bag of Poop" bears?  Not collectible.  Not even a little!

This shriek-every-time-you-see-it monstrosity doesn't say, "I love you!", it screams, "I forgot!"

It also says, "I had several days and at least $100 and I make really poor decisions." and "I don't know you at all, so I ordered this thoughtless "Present O' Poo" for you!  Enjoy!"

Getting rid of this non "token" of love?

Akin to the disposing of a corpse (I would imagine)!  I mean, this thing is not just uncute it's huge!

You'd need a chainsaw!

The typical gifts of flowers and candy aren't old, they're classic.

There are diamonds and chocolates.  Heck, Zales even has "chocolate" diamonds, whatever they are.

Need a lower "price point"?  DQ has a heart-shaped cake for two that looks divine!

A card, a limerick, nothing, nada, zip, zilch, zero are all preferable.

Love can take many forms but none of them involve giving or receiving another pleasureless object that only serves to clutter our planet (and your couch) further.

Love does not equal hoarding!