"Don't Tell My Heart! My Achy-Breaky Heart!" The Ultimate Mullet - Billy Ray Cyrus (Yes, Miley's dad)

Not even Clooney could rock a mullet!

Hello Fellow Travelers!

People's "Sexiest Man Alive" couldn't wear the 80's hair "don't".  So what chance do mere mortals possess?  None! Zip! Nada!  Male or female!  It doesn't matter!  It's the worst hairstyle since the combover (although the muttonchop sideburn was pretty awful!)

Despite a mercifully brief moment of popularity in the 80's (Bono, Patrick Swayze) the mullet went the way of the dodo bird and the pterodactyl.

What does this long-gone-and-never-lamented hairstyle have to do with this brain tumor "Patient of the Future"?  I'll tell you!

Several weeks ago I underwent brain surgery to remove a round object that had been installed in my cranium.

A well-intentioned hairstylist made a valiant attempt to create a semblance of a hairstyle.  As a result, I ended up with a weird, uneven, cut and a bad headache.

The headache I can deal with, I can ignore pain.

My hair had been happily doing it's own thing until this latest brainectomy (technicalese for shunt removal)  slowed my unusually fast-growing hair to a complete standstill.

I have a "Pepe Le Peuw" silver stripe (that I actually kind of like), but otherwise my hair was one less thing to worry about.

Until now.

I inadvertently graduated from unfortunate haircut to really unfortunate regrowth?  I don't think so!

I'm unable to speak or walk.  I'm pretty sure I'm legally blind..  Now I have a mullet?  That was not what I signed up for.  Oh no.

This is one side effect, I can immediately and definitively correct!

With scissors!  Or shears, or something!  There's a good reason the mullet went the way of acid-washed jeans and brick-sized cell phones.

I may not be able to operate a knife or a pencil (don't even get me started on Sharpies!) but I can fix ridiculous hair.

How?  Simple.  Cut it off!

There, see?  One thing fixed!

One down.  Three million to go...