Hello Fellow Travelers!
There is one aspect of this journey that cannot be avoided and I haven't developed any effective coping mechanism for and that's the Magnetic Resonance Imager or MRI. It's essentially a very precise camera that takes a series of images of my brain. After 2011 I've had several MRIs following the tumor removal. I have mastered my extreme fears of spiders and things that go "bump" in the night. Irrational fears of being buried alive are how claustrophobia is defined by Wikipedia.
If you haven't yet had the thrill of experiencing a Magnetic Resonance Imager let me describe it: It's like you're placed in the hole of a giant Lifesaver candy and you have to remain as motionless as possible. Remaining motionless in the MRI is no problem, I'm terrified anyway. It's the closest experience I've ever had to my worst fear - that fear being of being buried alive. And you're in the world's noisiest tomb! There's drilling and pounding and banging! And it's not white noise either. It's all really jarring, like you're at a concert with the worst percussionists on the planet and you are forced to pay attention to them.
The MRI is an inescapable fact of post-cancer life. It seems to me a positive result (more cancer) would just confirm what the doctors already suspect: you had cancer, it went away for awhile and now it's back! And you're probably gonna die, sooner than later! The MRI just serves to confirm what I already know: I don't have brain cancer, my neurosurgeon did excellent work (thank you HA!) all pictures and video that are periodically required (twice a year for five years) only serve to reconfirm what we pretty much know already and being in that machine scares the living daylights out of me!
I know that tumor is gone. I know it will never come back, I have more important things to do than seeing how long I can stand being buried alive (Another unfun aspect of the MRI? If you freak out and falter you have to restart at the beginning. I've never faltered! I refuse to start over! )
Chemistry to the rescue? You know what they try to give the claustrophobically challenged? Ativan! For me that makes the seconds crawl by even slower. Giving me even more ways to be even more anxious. So put me down for a "no", strictly speaking. By my calculation I have exactly one more MRI left, whoopie!
I'll hate it but get through it and will show no cancerous tumor growing in my brain
There is one aspect of this journey that cannot be avoided and I haven't developed any effective coping mechanism for and that's the Magnetic Resonance Imager or MRI. It's essentially a very precise camera that takes a series of images of my brain. After 2011 I've had several MRIs following the tumor removal. I have mastered my extreme fears of spiders and things that go "bump" in the night. Irrational fears of being buried alive are how claustrophobia is defined by Wikipedia.
If you haven't yet had the thrill of experiencing a Magnetic Resonance Imager let me describe it: It's like you're placed in the hole of a giant Lifesaver candy and you have to remain as motionless as possible. Remaining motionless in the MRI is no problem, I'm terrified anyway. It's the closest experience I've ever had to my worst fear - that fear being of being buried alive. And you're in the world's noisiest tomb! There's drilling and pounding and banging! And it's not white noise either. It's all really jarring, like you're at a concert with the worst percussionists on the planet and you are forced to pay attention to them.
The MRI is an inescapable fact of post-cancer life. It seems to me a positive result (more cancer) would just confirm what the doctors already suspect: you had cancer, it went away for awhile and now it's back! And you're probably gonna die, sooner than later! The MRI just serves to confirm what I already know: I don't have brain cancer, my neurosurgeon did excellent work (thank you HA!) all pictures and video that are periodically required (twice a year for five years) only serve to reconfirm what we pretty much know already and being in that machine scares the living daylights out of me!
I know that tumor is gone. I know it will never come back, I have more important things to do than seeing how long I can stand being buried alive (Another unfun aspect of the MRI? If you freak out and falter you have to restart at the beginning. I've never faltered! I refuse to start over! )
Chemistry to the rescue? You know what they try to give the claustrophobically challenged? Ativan! For me that makes the seconds crawl by even slower. Giving me even more ways to be even more anxious. So put me down for a "no", strictly speaking. By my calculation I have exactly one more MRI left, whoopie!
I'll hate it but get through it and will show no cancerous tumor growing in my brain
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