Christmas Spider? Only In Germany! Anywhere Else We'd Be Looking For A Shoe! To Squish It! (If There Was Any Question, Spiders Are Vermin!)

Hello Travelers!

Hel loo!  Christmas trees needing spiders?  Where's the can of "Raid"?  "Happy Spiders?"   Can you say "Black Flag"?  The only good spider is a dead spider.  I don't care how "happy" they are!  Santa doesn't care either.  I asked him.  Santa's way too busy with the kids to worry about spider happiness!  This is just a great argument for artificial trees.  No dirt, no bugs.  American.  Made by Americans for Americans.

As everyone knows, tinsel on trees came from smokers not knowing where to put the skinny wrapper seal that is the first wrapper to come off a new pack of cigarettes. American cigarettes.  Since no one in California has ever smoked we don't need spider/tree mythology to explain away tacky tinsel.  And as the rest of the world quits smoking, tinsel use will hopefully diminish across the globe.  I have never used tinsel and I don't know anyone who does.  I have, however used the Fall Issue (over 700 pages!) of "In Style", various heavy shoes (and boots), and hairsprays to eradicate the arachnids.

Gotta love those Germans though, creeping me out at Christmastime!  I didn't think it could be done! Since 2011,  I'm fairly unflappable,and a happy camper,  generally speaking, but picturing the eight-legged web-spinners running up and down the tree gave me the "heeby jeebies"!  Ick!  I love fake trees!  I hadn't considered infestation and small travelers on the tree!  Another crisis narrowly averted.  Thank you Germany!  It's just weird enough...