Anger or Joy? Which Is A Better Motivator? I Think I Already Know Which Is More Cinematic! (I'll Give You A Hint: It Rhymes With Langer!)

Hello Fellow Travelers!

I was going to discuss the Nazi connection to brain tumors;  "Cancer and the Third Reich:  A Deadly Duo" but then this happened:  I was into my usual pile of leg presses, say 200 or so, when a wonderful "old" movie appeared on the screen, 2005's "Batman Begins" directed by Christopher Nolan and features Liam Neeson as the baddie, training the very angry Bruce Wayne in terrorism.  In this first Batman film you meet Alfred  (Michael Caine) Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) and Rachel Dawes (Katie Holmes).  But the bigger theme  is how vast, unmatched anger inspires billionaire, Bruce Wayne, to "rechannel" his real fear of bats to all the bad guys out to destroy Gotham City.  Nolan's caped crusader is dark and brooding, he speaks very little.  Anger and revenge factor into the rebirth and success of many heroes and anti-heroes.

Since 2011, I have been conscious of one overriding emotion that trumps all others:  I feel great 24/7!  Great and grateful to be alive!  "Pain means you're alive?"  Yes, a doctor did say that to me.  My response?  "Pain?  Bring It! And keep bringing it!  Pain medication is for sissies!"  I thoroughly enjoyed the Olympics, I've discovered "the game within the game" that is baseball.  Pain?  What Have You Got?  I can do pain all day!  Standing on my head (If I could stand, which I can't, yet) so hit me with your best shot!  I scared brain cancer away, so pain schmain!  I'll reiterate the only question that matters:  Is it cancer?  No?  Then who cares?

I feel happy and driven to produce like I've never experienced.  I see value in everyone and potential everywhere.  My cup runneth over so I gave it to someone else because I needed to leave and I don't drink anyway.  TMI?  How about if I just leave the stupid cup right here?  It's more than half full, Okeley Dokely?  (Remove a brain tumor and I turn into a character on "The Simpsons", thanks HA!)

Seriously, though, since God and his demonic counterpart (PS has a viable theory regarding which side actually wants my soul;  The Lord:  "I don't want her"  The Devil:  "I don't want her either!"  The Lord:  "But you promised!"  The Devil:  "I lied. Duh." And it goes on from there) shook me, spun me and fished me out of the River (The River Nile?  The River Styxx?  Styx the band?  I don't know!) of Life or Something I'm focused like a freaking shark with a laser on it's head!  And every day I feel a little better.  It's amazing!

Everyone's journey is different but now I'm so physically challenged the writing just pours out.  I am keenly interested in everything and everyone.  If I was any cooler I'd be Sammy Davis, Jr.  I don't have any earthly idea why I feel so great, but I do and I only have one question...

Trivago Never Browse It! Ever! Never Give Them One Thin Dime! Trivago!I Hate Them! Here's Why! And It's Unbelievably Petty!

Hello Fellow Travelers!

I had something cancer-related to talk about; "Death:  Tragedy?  Or the Last Diet You'll Ever Be On?" And then I saw this, many times, a decent-looking guy who looks like an unmade bed advertising a website (Trivago) over and over.  On many different channels.  And because I had a brain tumor that required brain surgery (Thank you, HA!), I was forced to watch a few views of this maddening commercial (Trivago) that was ten kinds of wrong from the get-go, and with repeated viewings just got wronger.  Now when I see the name (Trivago!) I always find something new to hate.

It isn't just the "pitchman" (and yes, I'm using air quotes in a sarcastic way) is "costumed" in the drabbest, most ill-fitting shirt and jeans I've seen in a while.  You wouldn't let this guy recycle your cans let alone rely on him for vacation advice.  It offends me personally that some company spent millions of dollars to hire some goodlooking guy take precious minutes of my life by being aggressively unnappealing and offering me unsolicited advice on where to spend discretionary income.  Puhleeze!

I have a nephew in England whose posting videos of civil unrest (Way To Go! Liam!) (and himself up to his ankles in the fray that he filmed and posted) and I'm peeved at this Trivago dude.  I mean really affronted, like I'll make it a quest to loudly and repeatedly dissuade anyone who can read from ever using Trivago!  Sounds like Key Largo, not really, though.  It isn't just that he's bow-legged and unshaven.  It's all that AND he looks like he just rolled out of bed.  What is it exactly that this fellow is supposed to inspire us to go out and buy?  Cuz I'm not inspired!  And I'm not buying!  Let's break it down.  There's nothing wrong here a decent suit and a tie wouldn't fix.

He's a good-enough looking guy, and maybe that  was the problem;  maybe he showed up and he was too good looking so the makeup people went too far the other way and now he looks like he needs a bath and a good home.  I'm not sure but I think he was peddling vacations! I need a vacation like I need a hole in the head.  OK, another one.  OK, I just checked and it's OK to hate them, they aren't that great a deal (Trivago) rhymes with Iago.

PS-  I just learned that O.J. Simpson is going on a hunger strike.  I have absolutely nothing to add to that.

Evolving, Mutating It's All the Same, It's All Change and Change Is Good, Right?

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Hello Fellow Travelers!

I was going to write something fun on the nature of profound headaches (Cookie Headaches:  I Wish I Had  One) and then this happened:  After proof beyond a reasonable doubt (or possibly a note from the Great "Beyond") that someone or something has a plan for me I received this little message.  Where it originated, who sent it?  I have no idea and I have no idea at this point if it even matters.

Just when reality and endless dizziness were about to overtake my daily sojourn into the unknown, this little bookmark appeared as if by magic!  Reset my Resolve button, swept away any doubt I had that I'm doing the right thing.  Remember "Shrek"?  Who doesn't?  Shrek and I are both on a "quest".  Not fun necessarily, but adventure nonetheless.  Since 1/11 I've been getting repeated, simplistic messages (Hey you!  Yeah, you!, Simple Things for Simple Minds, right?) I've been the recipient of too many (and let's face it; too obvious) "signs" to completely ignore them (OK, M. Night Shamalyn directed my life since 1/11!  I get it!) 

I will never be remembered as a great "noticer" of things.  A close friend of mine commented that I "was the least self aware person" she'd ever met.   Any signs directed towards me require arrows and lots of neon.  "Look HERE!"  "Go THERE!"  Do they still make "Lite Brites"?  Maybe I'd pay more attention if there was a "Lite Brite" arrow pointing to the object/alien/idea I'm supposed to look at.    I'm paying closer attention to signs than I ever have before partly because I am starting to feel like the "Why Lee Coyote" in my own life.  Like there's an anvil or a grand piano hanging over my head by a slender thread.

After careful consideration of all the information available to me, about me, my conclusion is that I'm cautiously optimistic.  It's the best I can guess and the best I can hope for.  I know the answer is out there somewhere probably somewhere clearly marked by a black Sharpie (an entire big box marked "solutions"), if any of you get a sign meant for me (or a sign I can misconstrue as being for me) send it!  No sign will be rejected.  

Why Me? Why not me? Is It Cancer? No? Then Who Cares, Anyway? Or How I Learned to Just Go With It!

Hello Fellow Travelers!

I am not wasting a second wondering how I got in this predicament.  Why me?  Never crosses my mind.  I have never spent a second contemplating my lot in life, or more specifically, why brain cancer?  Why now?  I could spend a lot of time and energy investigating the why's and wherefores but I always feel like time is so short, in essence, evaporating so quickly, I'll always be behind. So I just set the bar low, like always:  Is it cancer?  No?  Then who cares?   I feel so great!   It is perplexing, though.

I am in the best shape I've ever been in, I'm still pretty quick on  the ol' uptake, I still don't miss much.  With the possible exception of chocolate (I still really dislike it!  Call me "UnAmerican", Ha!  I survived brain cancer, for Pete's Sake! Most dessert items are dipped or coated in chocolate which is annoying but tolerable, like me! ) I like most things that are sweet.  And I'm not discriminant either.  I like everything with sugar - from Rice Krispy treats to Pyramids of Raspberry Mousse Dipped in Gold Leaf.  And anything in between.

So not only am I being deprived, I know I'm depriving myself!  I'm freaking hungry all the time! I've been literally hungry for years! Since I'm neither a bear or a supermodel I couldn't say with any certainty why I am always thinking about desserts. I went my entire life never seeing desserts as anything more than a half hour of coffee and gluttony on 7" plates.  It doesn't seem fair, but, as I have said before nothing about cancer is fair. I've been telling you guys for years (as long as I could type anyway)  that everything seems to have a reason behind it and I think I've stumbled upon another piece of the jigsaw puzzle that is my life.   I was really distressed to discover that despite working out daily, cutting my caloric intake by 50%, feeling hungry every minute of every day and steadily losing weight, I didn't look any different!  Pretty bogus, n'est pas?

I thought so too!  But now I see results and what might be happening is another example of what's supposed to happen.  For the first time in my life I can see all the muscles I've been working on, not just hear about how strong I am from doctors and therapists.  Me, seeing results from 2+years of working out is significantly more motivational than hearing about neuroplasticity.  I have every expectation that neuroplasticity will work, but dropping pounds and building muscle seems a lot more worthwhile when I can see the eventual shapes of my legs and torso emerging with every workout.- neuroplasticity is my goal, but I really thought I would see some change after two years elapsed.  I was puzzled why after so much time and effort nothing was happening.

But in true Jan form the change was dramatic and immediate:  not just any tumor, oh no, a freaking brain tumor no less! And not just any surgery, freaking emergency neurosurgery to remove a stage three cancerous brain tumor!  (Thank You Dr. A.!)  Followed closely by Chemo and radiation (Thank you, Dr. S.!)  Getting some ailment that can be cured by Lyrica or Dr. Oz would be too normal for me!  I not only get cancer,  I get brain cancer! And I pass the Grim Reaper daily in the halls, that's how close I came to death.  And I know it!  IBS or Gout might be easier to treat or live with but they lack the drama of cancer.  Every MRI I get for the forseeable future will just be to reconfirm that I am cancer free!

  WTH? All Western Medicine seems to offer is reactions to cancer. Reactions to getting it, treating it, discovering it's return.  Historically if all an enemy can do is react eventually they will lose.  I don't have any intention of revisiting any of the medical ground I've covered.  If cancer returns I'll find some new way to crush it.  I've never thought of myself as a reactionary and this experience has taught me is that you should never, ever, think to yourself, "Gee, things just can't get any worse!"  Things can be a lot worse.  And a lot worse fast! Am I supposed to spend the remainder of my life waiting waiting to die?  I won't!  I can't!  Giving into any circumstance brought about by this cancer is nothing I ever consider.

PS - I know I've mentioned Discovery Channel's "Naked & Afraid"  Which should be called "Strangers Who Complain A Lot In the Dirt" or "A Guy & a Gal in the Dirt Who Can't Start A Fire"  So now there is the inevitable "Naked & Dating".  I have no idea when or where it's on, check your local listings.