Hello Fellow Travelers!
I was in the process of writing my youngest niece a long missive on the importance of being close to your mother (Specifically, the world can be a scary place, if you have one you need your mom.), and I began to realize that all the qualities I have relied on and in some instances exploited came from my mom! It appears I am going to live and the traits I have come to depend on are almost exclusively from my mother.
The cancer comes from my father (Sorry Dad, but you know it's true!).
I'm not able to see/speak/walk/cook/drive/write/drink/eat/apply makeup/deal with my hair, and the list goes on and on. If I wander into the kitchen or even close to it I meet with a chorus of "What the hell are you doing in the kitchen? Get out of there!" Some chef. Some life. But you know what? I've got a plan. You want to hear it? I knew you would! I'm uniquely equipped to rise above this situation in which I now find myself. (Or was that Liam Neeson's character in "Taken"? No, I'm pretty sure it's me, yeah, it's definitely me! Props to Mr. Neeson, though! Awesome film!)
I'll tell you my not-so-evil plan for world domination in some future missive. For now we'll have to content ourselves with what I do possess that comes directly or not from my mother and possibly her mother. My total disregard for all food as anything more than a nuisance, albeit a necessary one, comes from Mom. I also possess a seemingly endless capacity for managing any kind of stress. Things other kids really looked forward to, like driving, I barely learned and avoided whenever possible. My mother didn't learn to drive until she was well into her 30's, she rarely drinks, I don't drink at all and probably never will again. My palate, however, has only become sharper. I can pick out a Grand Cru or food trend faster than a German Shepherd sniffing out a body for the TSA!
My only means of communication is using a laptop or a keyboard device. When a few days went by without my daily note home my new laptop appeared as if by magic! But it wasn't magic! It was Mom and Dad! My mother was/is a big reader and so am I. Remember those order forms for ordering Scholastic Books? That was one bill I could rack up as high as I could read! Mom was never cheap about books. Mom wasn't cheap about anything really but I never met a book I couldn't read if I wanted to. I was reading entire books at the age of five. Books have killed time (before I discovered I didn't have a second to lose!) for me when I was just trying to survive minute to minute in the hospital.
But the personality trait that I rely on the most, that is well-developed, that is instantly applicable in every situation I face daily as a brain tumor survivor is my sense of humor. Daily, several circumstances come my way where I just think, "Really? This is what I'm dealing with? Really?" I mean every day I come across a half dozen situations that inspire my laughter as a first response. Hell, "inspire" isn't even close, these calamities demand laughter. I guess I could cry but what fun would that be? Not much, I imagine. And imagining is something else I can thank my mom for! I remember walking around a lot so I imagine I'll walk again. So thank you Mom! Wearing a wheelchair is not only funny it's bizarre! It always strikes me as hilarious! My patient spouse has made it his life's work to watch me (And, as Dr. Phil says, "to take my inventory") and make a lot of jokes (usually at my expense, but who cares? I love a good laugh, these days I don't care where it comes from!) I'm so glad I can amuse you people! Just roll me on down the road, take a picture! It'll last longer! Thanks a bunch, Mom!
PS - "The Gift that Keeps Giving" Costco - Online. I mean I was flipping through the catalog and I fell in love with that place all over again. What other place has high grade diamonds next to foosball tables? Got to love that! Nothing says, "Christmas" like rampant American consumerism! And diamonds! Oh, and they have loads of Christmas crap! And it's all really big!
PSPS - "The Other Gift That Keeps On Giving?" Hitler! Dead 68 years and they're still discovering crimes he committed! Priceless, modern, stolen art, found in an apartment! In Berlin! Whenever they talk about "the worst of the worst" Hitler always wins! Hands down! Several years ago I was hanging out in Granite Bay with my friend, (she was furiously sewing something to further beautify her world with her tiny, doll-like, hands) and I was on my second beer and we were half-heartedly watching something about Hitler's gal-pal, Eva Braun. Braun is thankfully, dead, so we were stuck with Eva Braun's landlady, who, through a translator talked about Eva Braun, and it was hilarious (though unintentionally so). It went something like this:"She was a beautiful girl. She could have had anyone but it was always Hitler this and Hitler that. No Dieter, or Friedrich, it was always Hitler, Hitler, Hitler!" It was funny in the 90's it's funny now! Although who knows where they dug up Eva Braun's landlady. Well she was (very briefly) Mrs. A. Hitler. No one else on the planet could (or would) say that. I daresay women all over the world say (or have said) to themselves, "Well, at least I didn't marry Hitler." or "Things could be worse, I could be married to..." Well, you get the idea. And before you all get your panties in a bunch and send me a bunch of e-mails citing my inappropriate humor source allow me direct your attention to the trailers for the feel-good film of the 2013 Holiday Season, "The Book Thief", because nothing says, "Christmas" quite like swastikas and death camps. If it's good enough for Hollywood, it's good enough for me to make fun of so all of you just settle the heck down!
I was in the process of writing my youngest niece a long missive on the importance of being close to your mother (Specifically, the world can be a scary place, if you have one you need your mom.), and I began to realize that all the qualities I have relied on and in some instances exploited came from my mom! It appears I am going to live and the traits I have come to depend on are almost exclusively from my mother.
The cancer comes from my father (Sorry Dad, but you know it's true!).
I'm not able to see/speak/walk/cook/drive/write/drink/eat/apply makeup/deal with my hair, and the list goes on and on. If I wander into the kitchen or even close to it I meet with a chorus of "What the hell are you doing in the kitchen? Get out of there!" Some chef. Some life. But you know what? I've got a plan. You want to hear it? I knew you would! I'm uniquely equipped to rise above this situation in which I now find myself. (Or was that Liam Neeson's character in "Taken"? No, I'm pretty sure it's me, yeah, it's definitely me! Props to Mr. Neeson, though! Awesome film!)
I'll tell you my not-so-evil plan for world domination in some future missive. For now we'll have to content ourselves with what I do possess that comes directly or not from my mother and possibly her mother. My total disregard for all food as anything more than a nuisance, albeit a necessary one, comes from Mom. I also possess a seemingly endless capacity for managing any kind of stress. Things other kids really looked forward to, like driving, I barely learned and avoided whenever possible. My mother didn't learn to drive until she was well into her 30's, she rarely drinks, I don't drink at all and probably never will again. My palate, however, has only become sharper. I can pick out a Grand Cru or food trend faster than a German Shepherd sniffing out a body for the TSA!
My only means of communication is using a laptop or a keyboard device. When a few days went by without my daily note home my new laptop appeared as if by magic! But it wasn't magic! It was Mom and Dad! My mother was/is a big reader and so am I. Remember those order forms for ordering Scholastic Books? That was one bill I could rack up as high as I could read! Mom was never cheap about books. Mom wasn't cheap about anything really but I never met a book I couldn't read if I wanted to. I was reading entire books at the age of five. Books have killed time (before I discovered I didn't have a second to lose!) for me when I was just trying to survive minute to minute in the hospital.But the personality trait that I rely on the most, that is well-developed, that is instantly applicable in every situation I face daily as a brain tumor survivor is my sense of humor. Daily, several circumstances come my way where I just think, "Really? This is what I'm dealing with? Really?" I mean every day I come across a half dozen situations that inspire my laughter as a first response. Hell, "inspire" isn't even close, these calamities demand laughter. I guess I could cry but what fun would that be? Not much, I imagine. And imagining is something else I can thank my mom for! I remember walking around a lot so I imagine I'll walk again. So thank you Mom! Wearing a wheelchair is not only funny it's bizarre! It always strikes me as hilarious! My patient spouse has made it his life's work to watch me (And, as Dr. Phil says, "to take my inventory") and make a lot of jokes (usually at my expense, but who cares? I love a good laugh, these days I don't care where it comes from!) I'm so glad I can amuse you people! Just roll me on down the road, take a picture! It'll last longer! Thanks a bunch, Mom!
PS - "The Gift that Keeps Giving" Costco - Online. I mean I was flipping through the catalog and I fell in love with that place all over again. What other place has high grade diamonds next to foosball tables? Got to love that! Nothing says, "Christmas" like rampant American consumerism! And diamonds! Oh, and they have loads of Christmas crap! And it's all really big!
PSPS - "The Other Gift That Keeps On Giving?" Hitler! Dead 68 years and they're still discovering crimes he committed! Priceless, modern, stolen art, found in an apartment! In Berlin! Whenever they talk about "the worst of the worst" Hitler always wins! Hands down! Several years ago I was hanging out in Granite Bay with my friend, (she was furiously sewing something to further beautify her world with her tiny, doll-like, hands) and I was on my second beer and we were half-heartedly watching something about Hitler's gal-pal, Eva Braun. Braun is thankfully, dead, so we were stuck with Eva Braun's landlady, who, through a translator talked about Eva Braun, and it was hilarious (though unintentionally so). It went something like this:"She was a beautiful girl. She could have had anyone but it was always Hitler this and Hitler that. No Dieter, or Friedrich, it was always Hitler, Hitler, Hitler!" It was funny in the 90's it's funny now! Although who knows where they dug up Eva Braun's landlady. Well she was (very briefly) Mrs. A. Hitler. No one else on the planet could (or would) say that. I daresay women all over the world say (or have said) to themselves, "Well, at least I didn't marry Hitler." or "Things could be worse, I could be married to..." Well, you get the idea. And before you all get your panties in a bunch and send me a bunch of e-mails citing my inappropriate humor source allow me direct your attention to the trailers for the feel-good film of the 2013 Holiday Season, "The Book Thief", because nothing says, "Christmas" quite like swastikas and death camps. If it's good enough for Hollywood, it's good enough for me to make fun of so all of you just settle the heck down!
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