Hello Fellow Travelers!
The title of today's missive refers to the visit we made yesterday to my PCP (Primary Care Physician) and his assessment of my progress. My response was not nearly as enthusiastic. "Really? This is best I can hope for? Really?" In the words of Hannibal Lecter, "That won't do." I was really close to death, I get it. The "Grim Reaper" passed me in the hallway, and grabbed for me, I understand. He touched me and had to let go, I'm processing all of that.
I still like my PCP, he's trying to be helpful and I am happy to be living, the alternative isn't great. (Tarentino's Japanese Charlie Brown again springs to mind. When his club partner/wife rhetorically asks him, "Did you hear what happened to Boss Tanaka? Do you want your head chopped off?" He says,"No, I don't think I would like that.") Being dead. I don't think I'd like that. Putting that aside, I have to conclude that I am pretty lucky to be alive, although physically I feel like Stephen Hawking without the genius.
The PCP's comments made something I never considered to be of vital importance to me and that is this: People are the only important things. Not your house or the clothes on your body or the cars you drive. Only the people you care about, keeping them safe and healthy. And love, that's important too.
I still believe that someday soon, if I work hard enough, I'll be able to look back on all of this and say something like, "Jeez, I'm glad that's over with!" I still believe in Neuroplasticity. Words are all that lasts, and people you care about. I can make fun of Blue Lipstick and Gladiator Sandals until the cows come home but what motivates me are the people who need me to get better, who will greatly benefit from my continued existence (Although making fun of stuff is pretty entertaining). Currently, I'm still unable to eat/see/walk or talk. Thanks to the Internet (and my mom, when she's not sending cat-fur she sends encouragement and computers), I have found an outlet I'm suited to.
My PCP wrote a bunch of referrals for me and assuaged another fear I've had for months, by asking (and answering) the only "really" important question "Is it cancer?" "No? Then who cares?" Works for me! Always does! See? It is all about setting that expectation bar low. Really, really low.
PS - Despite my best efforts, I am still affronted daily by as "South Park" calls it, a fair amount of "murder/porn" (Discovery ID, part of 'Discovery Communications), at the gym. Today, they had a program that loses me right out of the gate. I (Almost) Got Away With It" is a "shoulda-woulda-coulda" kind of proposition. I mean, come on, "I (Almost) Got Away With It"? They might as well call it: "We Weren't Successful" or "(Almost) A Program" or "Crap I Could Have Watched But Didn't". This is the network that brought us such scintillating titles such as "Unusual Suspects" and "Who The F+&? Did I Marry?" so "I (Almost) Got Away With It" is kind of disappointing from the beginning because it's obvious from the title it didn't work out. A failed crime! Who's got time for that? It's not even like antiques or real estate you looked at and disregarded. These are crimes some nitwit attempted but was ultimately incarcerated for! It's not even good "bad" TV. It's just bad, not even the best they could come up with which is dicey at best. The great thing about the ID Channel is that you can do at least three other things simultaneously while keeping track of any convoluted drama (real life) they present. Perfect for the gym, right? You would think so, the problem with the ID Channel is that the titles are far more interesting than the shows themselves. So you (or more likely, me) get bored enough to stop at say "Who The F##% Did I Marry?" and 20 minutes later you're working on the treadmill and wishing someone, anyone, would scream, "Well this is stupid!"(because it is) and change the channel. But the gym gods or whomever don't hear your silent prayer and you're stuck. That's why I watch nothing but CNN. Just news, grim, real news.
The title of today's missive refers to the visit we made yesterday to my PCP (Primary Care Physician) and his assessment of my progress. My response was not nearly as enthusiastic. "Really? This is best I can hope for? Really?" In the words of Hannibal Lecter, "That won't do." I was really close to death, I get it. The "Grim Reaper" passed me in the hallway, and grabbed for me, I understand. He touched me and had to let go, I'm processing all of that.
I still like my PCP, he's trying to be helpful and I am happy to be living, the alternative isn't great. (Tarentino's Japanese Charlie Brown again springs to mind. When his club partner/wife rhetorically asks him, "Did you hear what happened to Boss Tanaka? Do you want your head chopped off?" He says,"No, I don't think I would like that.") Being dead. I don't think I'd like that. Putting that aside, I have to conclude that I am pretty lucky to be alive, although physically I feel like Stephen Hawking without the genius.
The PCP's comments made something I never considered to be of vital importance to me and that is this: People are the only important things. Not your house or the clothes on your body or the cars you drive. Only the people you care about, keeping them safe and healthy. And love, that's important too.
I still believe that someday soon, if I work hard enough, I'll be able to look back on all of this and say something like, "Jeez, I'm glad that's over with!" I still believe in Neuroplasticity. Words are all that lasts, and people you care about. I can make fun of Blue Lipstick and Gladiator Sandals until the cows come home but what motivates me are the people who need me to get better, who will greatly benefit from my continued existence (Although making fun of stuff is pretty entertaining). Currently, I'm still unable to eat/see/walk or talk. Thanks to the Internet (and my mom, when she's not sending cat-fur she sends encouragement and computers), I have found an outlet I'm suited to.
My PCP wrote a bunch of referrals for me and assuaged another fear I've had for months, by asking (and answering) the only "really" important question "Is it cancer?" "No? Then who cares?" Works for me! Always does! See? It is all about setting that expectation bar low. Really, really low.
PS - Despite my best efforts, I am still affronted daily by as "South Park" calls it, a fair amount of "murder/porn" (Discovery ID, part of 'Discovery Communications), at the gym. Today, they had a program that loses me right out of the gate. I (Almost) Got Away With It" is a "shoulda-woulda-coulda" kind of proposition. I mean, come on, "I (Almost) Got Away With It"? They might as well call it: "We Weren't Successful" or "(Almost) A Program" or "Crap I Could Have Watched But Didn't". This is the network that brought us such scintillating titles such as "Unusual Suspects" and "Who The F+&? Did I Marry?" so "I (Almost) Got Away With It" is kind of disappointing from the beginning because it's obvious from the title it didn't work out. A failed crime! Who's got time for that? It's not even like antiques or real estate you looked at and disregarded. These are crimes some nitwit attempted but was ultimately incarcerated for! It's not even good "bad" TV. It's just bad, not even the best they could come up with which is dicey at best. The great thing about the ID Channel is that you can do at least three other things simultaneously while keeping track of any convoluted drama (real life) they present. Perfect for the gym, right? You would think so, the problem with the ID Channel is that the titles are far more interesting than the shows themselves. So you (or more likely, me) get bored enough to stop at say "Who The F##% Did I Marry?" and 20 minutes later you're working on the treadmill and wishing someone, anyone, would scream, "Well this is stupid!"(because it is) and change the channel. But the gym gods or whomever don't hear your silent prayer and you're stuck. That's why I watch nothing but CNN. Just news, grim, real news.
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