"Don't Tell My Heart! My Achy-Breaky Heart!" The Ultimate Mullet - Billy Ray Cyrus (Yes, Miley's dad)

Not even Clooney could rock a mullet!

Hello Fellow Travelers!

People's "Sexiest Man Alive" couldn't wear the 80's hair "don't".  So what chance do mere mortals possess?  None! Zip! Nada!  Male or female!  It doesn't matter!  It's the worst hairstyle since the combover (although the muttonchop sideburn was pretty awful!)

Despite a mercifully brief moment of popularity in the 80's (Bono, Patrick Swayze) the mullet went the way of the dodo bird and the pterodactyl.

What does this long-gone-and-never-lamented hairstyle have to do with this brain tumor "Patient of the Future"?  I'll tell you!

Several weeks ago I underwent brain surgery to remove a round object that had been installed in my cranium.

A well-intentioned hairstylist made a valiant attempt to create a semblance of a hairstyle.  As a result, I ended up with a weird, uneven, cut and a bad headache.

The headache I can deal with, I can ignore pain.

My hair had been happily doing it's own thing until this latest brainectomy (technicalese for shunt removal)  slowed my unusually fast-growing hair to a complete standstill.

I have a "Pepe Le Peuw" silver stripe (that I actually kind of like), but otherwise my hair was one less thing to worry about.

Until now.

I inadvertently graduated from unfortunate haircut to really unfortunate regrowth?  I don't think so!

I'm unable to speak or walk.  I'm pretty sure I'm legally blind..  Now I have a mullet?  That was not what I signed up for.  Oh no.

This is one side effect, I can immediately and definitively correct!

With scissors!  Or shears, or something!  There's a good reason the mullet went the way of acid-washed jeans and brick-sized cell phones.

I may not be able to operate a knife or a pencil (don't even get me started on Sharpies!) but I can fix ridiculous hair.

How?  Simple.  Cut it off!

There, see?  One thing fixed!

One down.  Three million to go...

Love, Still All You Need - Love And Cookies

In the "go big"" column, here is Mariah's latest engagement rock
That dude must love her a lot! Whoa!

Hello, Fellow Travelers!

My 21 year old niece just broke up with her long time beau.  The PS and I are sending a pretty gift for a very pretty girl. She's tall, blond and gorgeous.  She'll move on, with him, with someone else or alone. All  "matters of the heart" are in my rearview (or would be if I could drive!) but I remember the pain of breakups and it's huge!

I've been married for several years.  Valentine's Day means something entirely different since 2011 - it's another occasion for me to show my gratitude to my patient spouse.  My "PS" probably won't bring me flowers (don't want them) or chocolates (really don't want them) but he'll tell me repeatedly how to sit, stand and balance.  I'm unfailingly cheerful and he's routinely glum.   He never stops criticizing me.  I'm happy just to be on the planet!  He does seem determined, however, to keep me alive.

He is my partner in my search for neuroplasticity.

Barbara Streisand used to sing (with Neil Diamond) "You don't bring me flowers anymore."

I haven't received flowers from my husband in awhile but he has gone  to the gym with me, carefully monitors all my dietary intake, and dispenses all my meds.  He opens all my mail and makes my appointments.  The PS gives me Wi Fi!  If that's not love I don't know what is!

Most importantly, he cracks me up every day!  Still!

And laughter and the ability to see the ridiculousness in every situation is a key to keeping your sanity when your entire world is spinning!

My PS is negative but gives me hope that this is just a phase, an unfortunate set of circumstances that we will overcome with science and hard work!

It's grim, repetitive and tiresome.  I love it!

Mariah's rock is pretty awesome though...

"Diamonds Might Be A Girl's Best Friend" but it doesn't matter when you're wearing a wheelchair!

Love is all that matters.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Scary Bears? It Must Be Valentines' Day!

"Vampire Teddy" from Muse video for their song, "Uprising"
Notice the Reptilian Eyes, not usually seen in a Teddy Bear, fangs either

Hello Fellow Travelers!

Now that's a frightening teddy bear!  Later in the same video all the giant, fanged, "teddy's" somehow end up burning in a teddy bonfire while  the tiny band makes their escape in a tiny truck.  Epic!  Last St. Valentine's Day, I warned against a purchase of the much-advertised, highly objectionable, "Hunk O' Burnin' Love" bear for the low-low price of $99 bucks from the Vermont Teddy Bear Co..

At the risk of repeating myself, allow me to repeat myself:  Do not, I repeat, don't, give this huge, uncute, "Lunk of Flaming Poo" to anyone you like let alone someone you supposedly love!

Despite my heartfelt warnings, someone is buying these giant pieces of crap!  This year they're offering them in white!

The  new VD commercial depicts a dude lugging this behemoth to his TV ladylove like a drunken stranger he picked up someplace.

Nobody wants this bear!  And nobody really doesn't want this stupid thing as a gift of love! As Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) said to her editor (Candace Bergen) at Vogue, in "Sex & The City", "I know shoes!"

Well, I may not know much about love or footwear (OK, I know something about shoes, what female does not?) but I do know teddys!

I'd have to say that "Hunk of Burning Crap" doesn't resemble any bear I've ever seen!

Many years ago I collected a series of one kind of mohair, hard-body bears.  I bought them from a single, privately owned teddy bear shop and most still have their original packaging and tags..

I had tiny bears, mid size bears and very large ones.  Some had growlers.  All were German.  (It always gets back to those Germans, doesn't it?)

Those bears were cute, expensive (I paid for them over time) and have only increased in value.

I stopped collecting bears a long time ago and I've since given my Steiffs away, but I've read a lot of teddy bear books and looked at tons of teddys!

The Vermont Teddy Bear Company human-sized "Flaming Bag of Poop" bears?  Not collectible.  Not even a little!

This shriek-every-time-you-see-it monstrosity doesn't say, "I love you!", it screams, "I forgot!"

It also says, "I had several days and at least $100 and I make really poor decisions." and "I don't know you at all, so I ordered this thoughtless "Present O' Poo" for you!  Enjoy!"

Getting rid of this non "token" of love?

Akin to the disposing of a corpse (I would imagine)!  I mean, this thing is not just uncute it's huge!

You'd need a chainsaw!

The typical gifts of flowers and candy aren't old, they're classic.

There are diamonds and chocolates.  Heck, Zales even has "chocolate" diamonds, whatever they are.

Need a lower "price point"?  DQ has a heart-shaped cake for two that looks divine!

A card, a limerick, nothing, nada, zip, zilch, zero are all preferable.

Love can take many forms but none of them involve giving or receiving another pleasureless object that only serves to clutter our planet (and your couch) further.

Love does not equal hoarding!