You Have to Start Somewhere, with Cancer It's All About Setting the Bar Low, REALLY Low! Just Being Alive is Good!

Hello Fellow Travelers!

One of the strongest effects of this post-tumor time is that I am profoundly grateful each day when I wake up!  I'm pretty darned happy to wake up at all!  I'm embarassingly grateful  for my PS and my friends and family.  Polishing my nails and floors are off my list of "things I'll probably never get around to doing anyway," so now I don't worry about them. The new pastel nail colors make the model (or Kardashian) look like she stuck her hands into some cupcake frostings anyway.   I'm pretty happy just to be here! I'm pretty happy just to be anywhere!  Cancer teaches you to set your level of expectation low.  Really low!  When setting the expectation level, if merely "being not dead" indicates "success", your standard is right in the post-cancer ballpark!

It's probably another reason I feel so great all the time!  I'm not dying, or getting ready to take "the Big Dirt Nap" either. Last week I had a test done to determine if there was some kind of new "growth" of cells in my abdomen, based on strong, increasing pain.

That's when a medical doctor, an M.D. said to me,"Pain means you're alive!"  Really?  Because I thought it meant something entirely different.  Like you're being poked with a very hot stick.  You say "potato"...

I was going to ignore this pain, but the last time I did that, I had a brain tumor! One truism I had repeatedly confirmed on this journey is you can't ignore everything, some things don't go away, they get worse! So I quickly arranged for an imaging test and anxiously waited for my oncologist to render a verdict.  The best result I could hope for (and the one I eventually got, Thank You!, Hamid!) was that nothing was growing anywhere!  I'm still alive!

And getting a little more so every day!

Analysis of the test results revealed the answer to my only question:  You know it!  Say it with me!  "Is it cancer?  No?  "Then who cares?"  And that's the only answer that means anything anymore anyway!

PS - Happy Birthday, Liam!

"Naked and Afraid - Part Deux"

Hello Fellow Travelers!

 

Fairly recently (yesterday, if you must know) I was forced to watch a particularly painful looking episode of “N & A” on the “Discovery” Channel.  I say “particularly” because these “survivors’ put “being naked” in front of cameras (essentially, the world) at about #20 on their “Very  Short List of Things to be Concerned With” List, right around ketchup (As in:  Condiments that might allow me to keep these snake guts I’ve just eaten, down and not upchuck them again!) but way ahead of, say, napkin rings.  Before and after the contestants are “N & A’' they get their ‘'Personal Survivor Rating” calculated, (PSR) being survivor ready looks like really hard, cold, hungry work!  So watching that particularly grim hour of “Discover” (Discover exactly  what, anyway?  “Ancient Aliens”?  Dirt?  “Ancient Aliens in the Dirt”?)  So, “Naked and Afraid” taken at face value is really the same show repeated over and over.

 

What I consider a huge waste of natural resources others seek out as some kind of test – of their survivor skills.  These people train all year long to be “N & A”!  If you’re “N & A”, that tells me you’ve been everywhere and you’ve done everything, you’re “The World’s Most Interesting Man” (Or woman).  When you’ve done everything, bought or rented everything there is to rent or buy on the planet, are burning C-notes to light Cuban cigars then and only then do you answer whatever demon compels you to cross the globe to be freezing and starving for three weeks!  And have it filmed.  Or you’d drink a lot of “Dos Equis!”  And have that filmed!

 

Cancer revisits a lot of “What Would I Do?” terrain.  And a lot of what I wouldn’t do.  Top of the list?  I probably wouldn’t be too concerned with my PSR!  Nope.  Not too worked up about that.

 

Once you’ve “looked down the road of life”, finding out how well you would do in a catastrophe seems at best, irrelevant.   I met the Grim Reaper and he didn’t point out my death date or tell me to eat my vegetables or anything as easy a that.  Instead, it scared me beyond belief and empowered me to get moving again in the right direction.

 

Nudity is not really scary although nudists are unusual! (I mean have you seen a nudist camp? Sheesh!  Oh, the humanity!)

 

Death is scary!    And once you’re aware of it’s presence you’re always looking for it, and it comes too soon for everyone, But it always comes.

 

So the “N & A” franchise still gets my vote for “The Most Annoying and Most Copied Gimmick” on TV, but scary?  No.  Not even a little

 

I’ve seen the real deal and it stops your breath and turns your hair white.  Everything that’s supposed to frighten you, doesn’t have any ability to do so anymore.  You find your strength and your voice and “man (or woman) up”.

86ing Coffee was No Big Deal Let's Try Giving Up Round Foods!

Hello Fellow Travelers!

As you undoubtedly (and correctly) surmised, I've spent a lot of rehab time in a local gym.  It's clean and quiet and even has a nice view for me to look at while I walk or spin to noplace every day for hours but at the end of the day it's still a gym and therefore by definition is pretty gross!  At some point I want to walk along the shore,or in the woods.  As I rejuvenate my way into year #4 of this post-tumor adventure I feel the need to put some speed on my recovery, and the first thing I'm doing is getting off the "Not-So-Underground-Cookie-Railroad".

PS got off the train years ago.  But my mom and dad still send me a variety of sweets and round foods that for some reason are at the forefront of my thoughts since 2011.  In that time I've worked every day to stimulate muscle memory and neuroplasticity.  My fat and muscles are separating - which has the sum total effect of making me resemble a very old chicken or possibly Madonna, minus the desperation.

The problem is that since 2011 I've developed an unrelenting craving for high quality round foods.  I had to see the dentist on more than one occasion.  I waste valuable time waxing poetic about round foods I dream up that involve molasses and brown sugar.  Time I need for anything more relevant than food!  And everything is more relevant than food! This puts me at odds with my plan for neuroplasticity.  Since I want this brain cancer recovery to speed up and not slow down I've decided to get off the cookie train! ( And possibly contract with a personal trainer.) Small as it sounds, it may greatly impact my life!  So get ready for a lot of whining and complaining, I'm going cold turkey  Pun totally intended!  Unless I get something fantastic delivered.  From Beverly Hills, or Prescott, AZ!

I'm hungry all the time anyway, so what's a little more?  Is it cancer?  No?  Then, who cares?  

Happy Spring!

Hello Fellow Travelers!

Just when I start to feel a little sorry for myself I see something like "The Passion of the Christ" and suddenly feel much better!  I have never suffered!  I just enjoy complaining!  It's all in the perspective!  The perspective from here is great( TY HA!)!  I feel great(TY CS!)  I can't walk but I can move mountains if I have to. ( Or at least I can complain bitterly about the mountain's lack of services)   Springtime is all about new growth and rebirth and has become my new favorite season.

And candy.  I'm all in on any holiday that uses candy in their tradition!  Whoa, Nellie!  Don't even get me started on the "Cookies of Spring".

And spring is more tangible than New Year's Eve.  You can see Spring changing the earth around us!  You can see the the ice melt and the weather warm and the new grass poking through.  Rebirth.  Now that I've had my first interaction with the Grim Reaper (and survived), I feel grateful for every day I wake up.  I'm just grateful to be alive.  I'm grateful for everything.  Every day is like Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter all rolled together!

I am rising like a Disney dragon (not too scary) because it's what I'm supposed to do.  It's been a long journey but I'll keep moving forward.  With every day I'm gaining a little more traction on this spinning marble.  Every time I go the gym I'm changing just a little. I can see it.  The PS sees it too!  I'm working for neuroplasticity (your brain's ability to remake connections that have been damaged or destroyed.) but I'm reaping some side benefits from years of hard work.

I still fall but I can catch myself when I do, which comes in handy.  I'm perpetually hungry for cookies and caramels.  But I've passed my old size and I'm still shrinking!

The last "need" I thought I "couldn't live without"? Coffee!  Totally quit drinking it!  And I'm totally OK which is a surprise to me.  You, don't really "need" anything!  You get used to having stuff but when push comes to shove you really don't need any of it.

If it's a question of health vs. taste, health will always win out, or should!